A Glimmer of Hope
Hope is delicate and powerful. There have been times in my life when hope saved me.
I’ve been prompted to open up about my story and I pray that it helps others. I know that it helped me to know that I wasn’t alone when I was first dealing with this stuff. I don’t wish this type of pain on anyone.
I vividly remember the night I found out about my husband’s affair. I never thought for a second that this could happen to me.
My heart literally broke and I couldn’t breathe between my sobs while
He. Just. Sat. There.
No apology.
In fact, he blamed me for it, listing off all the ways I was inadequate as a wife.
(Let me interject here to clarify that cheating is a choice of the cheater, NEVER the fault of the one who is cheated on).
I can honestly say that I’ve never been in so much emotional pain that it affected me physically. At that moment, I silently pleaded with God for guidance. The words “just love him” came clear to my mind along with a brief wash of peace to confirm what the Spirit had prompted me to do.
That answer kept my anger in check and kept me from following my first instinct to kick him out of the apartment. It also served as my guide as I fought to save our marriage and fought to forgive him and move forward. Needless to say, it was a very rough road.
It was hope that kept me trying to make my marriage work.
Fast forward about a year. I discovered that he’d continued the affair and they had a baby together. I felt that betrayal all over again. I had done everything in my power to move forward and rebuild and he tore it down with one baby picture. At that point, God gave me a clear sign that it was time to leave.
You can’t save a one-sided marriage. Let me say that again—You cannot save a one-sided marriage.
It was hope that gave me the strength to leave my marriage and start over.
I came across this scripture in Doctrine & Covenants 88:49-50, 67:
"The light shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not; neverertheless, the day shall come when you shall comprehend even God, being quickened in him and by him.
Then shall ye know that ye have seen me, that I am, and that I am the true light that is in you, and that you are in me; otherwise ye could not abound.
...
And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things."
We all have that LIGHT and HOPE within us. We can all choose to build upon that LIGHT and HOPE, or let the darkness (lack of light) take over.
It’s no secret that I've had opportunities in my life to make such a choice. We all do.
The storms in my life raged heavily and my outlook was bleak. Heartbroken, I considered how I could face these storms–alone–and not succumb to the darkness.
I knew I had to be there for my daughters, I couldn't abandon them as I had been abandoned. I took a leap of faith and looked up–turning to God and Christ. Above that heartache and storm was light–HOPE. I held onto that like a lifeline, pushing forward toward the light with every fiber of my being.
Hope is your trust in God that everything will work out for your highest good - in His time.
If the storms in your life are beating you down, DO NOT GIVE UP! Look up to the LIGHT. Chase it with all the energy you have. With that LIGHT, you will be able to conquer the darkness you feel and weather the storm.
I haven't stopped chasing the LIGHT, nor given up HOPE. The closer I am to the LIGHT, the easier it is to face the storms that rage around me.
“I guess sometimes things don’t break, they shatter, but when you let the light in, shattered glass will GLITTER.” —unknown
When you feel shattered, look to the light. Even shattered pieces are beautiful and worthy of love. It may not seem that way (trust me, I’ve been there), but the more you seek the light and hope, the more you will find it.
Sending you love and light,
