There Isn't an Elevator to Healing
Everyone has painful experiences, and I don't share mine to diminish anyone else's. When someone reaches out and shares their story with me, my heart hurts with theirs.
Today’s post is about healing and I pray that what I’ve been prompted to share will help those who are in need.
You see, when you’re cheated on, it sends the message that you aren’t good enough. That you were never loved. My husband destroyed what was left of my imperceptible self-esteem and played into my fears and doubts. My fear of being a single mom and fear of dating again (which was hard enough the first time around) kept me from leaving. I had made a promise to him and to God that our marriage was forever, that I would be faithful and true. I fought for about a year and a half to rebuild our marriage, rebuild trust, and to forgive him. I focused so much on loving him that I ignored my own healing.
I had done my best and had grown closer to Christ that last year and a half. Even though I was ashamed of divorcing, ashamed of a failed marriage and becoming a statistic, afraid of being a single mom, I knew I needed to be an example to my girls. Our marriage was not the type of marriage I wanted my girls to see. *He* was not the example of a husband and father I wanted my girls to see.
Those who’ve read This I’ll Defend (my third book) probably recognize the emotion and inner monologue as my experiences. While I draw upon some of my own life experiences for my books, this one in particular was therapy for me.
I was able to live vicariously through Celina and have the karma dealt out and give her a well-deserved champion. Celina’s emotions are quite real and her inner monologue, doubts, and negative self-talk are 99% mine. In doing this, I’ve been able to have some closure.
As I’ve previously mentioned, I had intense therapy to recover. I found an amazing therapist and have used a spiritual and holistic approach to my healing. In addition to therapy, I’ve met with other holistic healers who were there when I needed them. I would not have made such great strides without them and they will always have a special place in my heart.
A few other resources for those who are interested:
• The Peacegiver by James L. Ferrell
• Everything by Brené Brown (including YouTube videos and the Netflix special)
• You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay
• Madly In Love With Me: The Daring Adventure of Becoming Your Own Best Friend by Christine Arylo
Facebook pages to follow that helped with betrayal trauma/narcissistic abuse recovery pages:
https://www.facebook.com/NarcFreeNow/
https://www.facebook.com/BetrayalTraumaRecovery/
Mindset shift, meditation, and self-affirmations were other things I did along this process (and still continue to utilize). Pinterest has some great resources for this, as well as the Louise Hay book mentioned above. Healing is not linear, so I’ve relied heavily upon my empathic intuition to continue to identify triggers and release and heal.
More importantly though, I turned to my Savior. I utilized the Atonement to help me heal and forgive. While I did as much as I could on my own, there was a significant lack that only the healing balm of the Atonement could seal. I know that He lives and I know that He knows me personally. I know He suffered all that I suffered from this and that He alone is able to fully understand me and heal my stripes. He is there for each one of us. You have but to turn to Him.
If you have experienced betrayal trauma or abuse and need someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out. I continually pray for those who’ve suffered betrayal and abuse.
A reminder: “There is no elevator in healing. You have to take the stairs.”
Your recovery journey is not linear, nor is it the same as anyone else’s. You’ll have your good days and bad. The most important thing is that you don’t quit.
Heal so that you’re not living in fight-or-flight.
Heal so that when good things happen, you can believe that it’s for real and there’s no manipulation behind it.
Heal so that when you are treated as well you deserve to be treated, you can accept it and not question the intention behind it.
Heal so that when others tell you you are good enough, you believe them.
Heal so that when you are triggered, you can overcome and not spiral.
Heal so that when someone tells you they love you, you believe them.
Heal so that you can THRIVE.
Sending you love and light,
