Forgiveness is H.A.R.D.
Forgiveness is especially when you don’t receive an apology.
Forgiveness, like healing, isn’t linear, nor is it a one and done sort of thing. It took me years to forgive my ex for all the abuse, lies, and infidelity.
Did he deserve my forgiveness? No.
Did he ask for it? Definitely not.
I even went as far as forgiving his family and our “friends” who took part in his schemes. Was it easy? Hard no.
We Forgive to Free Ourselves From Their Power
When I was able to let go and forgive, I felt better. I felt free. It is part of my healing process.
Does forgiveness excuse what happened? No, but it takes away its power over you. You can forgive someone and not allow them back into your life. Even Jesus Christ had boundaries.
I forgave because our Savior freely forgives us of our wrongdoings. He has already paid the price for our sins, pains, heartache, and sorrow. I am not so bold as to deny that sacrifice, nor acknowledge that priceless gift. I know that I need the Atonement in my life. I need His forgiveness just as much, if not more, than I need to forgive. Why? Because I need His help in completely forgiving. I put forth my best effort, and He compensated for what I lacked.
If you’re struggling to forgive someone, don’t give up. Offer up a prayer and ask for help. I promise that God will give you the strength you need and the blessed peace when the forgiveness comes.
We Forgive to Free Ourselves From Ourselves
The second—and most difficult—step in the process is forgiving yourself. Please realize you did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time.
It’s easier said than done, trust me.
I readily take the blame, and shoulder the shame and regret of a thousand “should haves.” The burden of guilt for my mistakes—innocent or otherwise—weigh heavy on my heart.
It’s taken me years to shake off the shame, regret, doubt, anger, grief, and “should haves” for what I’ve been through the last 15+ years. As I mentioned previously, it’s not a linear process and it does take time.
I’m still working on forgiving myself for all that, so take heart if it doesn’t come readily to you, either. I will have occasional triggers, and I work on forgiving myself again and again.
I have to remember to view myself as God sees me. Despite all my flaws and mistakes, He still loves me more than I can comprehend. Knowing that makes it easier to extend myself some grace and recognize that my efforts are enough.
You, my friends, are enough, just as you are. Please forgive yourself for not believing otherwise.
